If the Cardinals aren’t going to win many national awards, we’ll make our own.
The entire country centers their attention around the coasts. There’s East Coast Bias and West Coast Bias, but there’s no Midwest Bias… until now.
If the Baseball Writers of America want to leave Matt Carpenter off their list of NL MVP’s, and if the managers and coaches are going to keep Kolten Wong from winning a Gold Glove, then we’ll just go ahead and drop our OWN awards for this season.
So here are some awards for Cardinals ONLY.
This guy had a career year. And if you take away his rough start to the season, he’s probably even better. He only finished 9th in N.L. MVP voting. But on our list (and in our hearts), he’s #1.
Have you seen this guy’s biceps? That question was rhetorical, because you really can’t miss them. His arms are Clydesdale thighs.
— Dan Doelling (@daniel_doelling) April 18, 2018
There were only a select few who were eligible for this award, but even still, Mike Matheny finished last.
Since MLB won’t give him one, we will. No one flashed the leather better than that flying’ Hawaiian at 2nd base. He saved a lot of runs – and at times, games – with his defensive web gems. We won’t snub you here, K-Dub.
Just promise you won’t celebrate this award with a Gatorade cooler dump attempts.
This award is a lot like a Gold Glove, except it looks more like an oversized mitten. This year’s award goes to Matt Carpenter, for the delicious salsa he not only fed the team with, but also – thanks to Shnucks – fed most of the city with. He had an incredible year at the dish, and the literal dish.
Seriously. The next time this guy skips arm day will be his first.
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The flashes this kid showed this year proved he’s heading down a road full of success. A 3.34 ERA with 182 strikeouts as a rookie? He’s the kind of guy who gets a 34 on his ACT… as a high school freshman.
He must have to recharge that thing between innings. It doesn’t glow in the dark, it prevents the dark.
This one could’ve also gone to Miles Mikolas, but since Hair is literally part of Bader’s name, that gave him the edge.
This dude was the workhorse for the entire season. A 2.43 ERA, 146 strikeouts, and one incredibly glorious mustache.
There was really only one person this award could go to, and really, there’s no basis for the award other than it just being a punny.
Because frankly, there’s no where else for him to go but up.
He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better. He will get better.
When Marcell Ozuna throws them at him, mid-interview.
This award is a lot like the Hank Aaron Award, except it just goes to the person with the biggest muscles. And wouldn’t ya know it? It’s Tyler O’Neill again.
He is what the kids call, “yoked.”
And then I told Mrs. H: “Oh that means we’ll see Tyler O’Neill.” And she says: “How will we know it’s him?” pic.twitter.com/ZF5JVOOPGe
— Benjamin Hochman (@hochman) June 25, 2018
Is it pronounced Y-AYE-RO? Is it pronounced JY-RO? Is it pronounced Greg? Who knows? Well, true Cardinals fans and P.A. announcer John Ulett know. Yairo is Dominican, but he feels Greek. Because like a gyro, you’ll hear it pronounced a number of different ways. Just like Gravois.
Yeah, that one’s pretty simple.
The best save of the year goes to the month of August when the Cardinals went 22-6, because without it, this season would’ve been a lot more boring. Sure, the Birds didn’t make the postseason, but this month helped things be a lot more interesting and fun going into the final month of the season. Plus, who else was going to win this award? The bullpen was… well… ummm… I gotta go.
What awards do you got? Comment below with your ideas.
Follow Austin on Twitter: @AustinHuff